Good Soil

Mascara Mess

2012-02-09T21:30:00.001-07:00

It was reeeaaalllly quiet while I was feeding Josiah the other morning. I found Lorien in the bathroom looking like this. She has gotten quite adept at unscrewing lids from everything lately, including mommy's mascara.

I dare you to not smile

2012-02-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have never thought of that

2012-01-29T16:55:00.001-07:00

Lorien was eating an ice cream snack as I was unloading the dishwasher.

She wandered over and found her toothbrush, which I had just washed. A few minutes later, I looked over to find her brushing her teeth with ice cream. Gotta admit I have never had that idea before.

By the way, I am loving the pigtails.

This doesn't happen very often

2012-01-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

All four of us in the same photo!

We didn't do a very good job of getting us all looking (or even all in the frame), but it's a start.

We've seen a lot of this lately

2012-01-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

Lorien has always liked stuffed animals (she calls them "friends"). For a long time, she didn't really care which ones she played with. As long as she had one or two in her bed at nap time and bedtime, she was happy. But starting with the arrival of three new friends in December, she has started to play favorites.

So now, just about every morning when she gets out of bed, she wanders into the hallway with Larry and Bob and Violet (and her messy hair).

I Believe Wrong Things

2012-01-29T15:19:00.001-07:00

[For those of you who are really disappointed that this post has a lot of words and no pictures of my kids, there's more coming soon. I promise. :)]

You know those weeks when God weaves the same theme through your life for several days in a row? I've had a little of that going on lately. Not in a smack-me-in-the-forehead-repeatedly kind of way. But enough repetition and connection to make me take notice. Thought I'd write a little about it just to cement it in my mind.

It started with a Facebook conversation with the Spring 2011 class from FLI. (I love that my students have these kinds of conversations and want to think well.) One of the girls who is now a grad student in counseling posted this excerpt from one of her texts and asked what everyone thought it was saying about the existence of truth.

"While we hold that there is absolute truth, no one person possesses it absolutely. We can apprehend large portions of truth, but once we ponder what is true, we begin to distort the true essence of the truth. The worldview you possess is not truth, but it contains truth. Each person's aim needs to be having as much truth as possible in order to live as effectively as possible. The more conscious and intentional we are in the formation of a worldview the more likely it will support the stress of life." ("Therapeutic Expedition" by Thomas & Sosin)

I agreed with a few posts earlier in the conversation raising the concern that, in some ways, saying truth can't be apprehended is functionally the same as saying it doesn't exist. I don't think that's what the authors of the text are getting at, though. I think they're trying to say that, yes, truth exists; but, we ought to be awfully careful not to communicate as though we understand it perfectly.

Why? Because we all believe things that are untrue.

I don't want to believe things that are untrue, but I know that I do believe them, simply because God sometimes points one of them out to me through his word or through a friend or through cognitive dissonance. And he asks me to change my belief to bring it more in line with his nature, his character and his Word.

That's a concept I've been comfortable living with for a while, but this morning, God took it a step further. The texts for this morning's sermon were 1 Corinthians 4 and Matthew 7.

This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. - 1 Corinthians 4:1-5

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."- Matthew 7:1-6

It was a very good sermon about what it means to exercise good judgment without being judgmental--essentially remembering what is my responsibility and what is God's. (When the sermon video gets posted, I'll link it here.) The thing that kept my brain moving though, was 1 Cor. 4:4: "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me."

Something I've been ruminating on for a while is the role of the conscience in the life of the Christian. Why do I have a conscience? Can I trust my conscience? If not, what's it good for?

I am not someone who lives with a lot of guilt. Sometimes I am deeply convicted about wrong I've done or wrong attitudes I've had. But when that happens, I deal with it between me and God. Sometimes I have to deal with the same stupid wrong things over and over. But between times, I don't live with a cloud of guilt hanging over my head--I don't think God's conviction works like that. So I really get what Paul is saying when he write, "My conscience is clear."

What caught me today was the next line: "...but that does not make me innocent." In other words, in the same way in which I believe things that aren't true, I also sin in ways I am not yet aware of. And Paul seems to be saying that that's OK. His conscience really is clear. But at some point--"the appointed time"--God's going to point out those sins and then his conscience will not be clear. And he will have to deal with them. Repent of them. Stop doing them. Ask God to forgive him and change him.

So it is with me.

This is the most clear theological (as opposed to narrative) support I've found for the oft-repeated idea that God doesn't deal with all of our sins at once.

I think the proper responses to this line of thinking are 1) peace and freedom (i.e. it is really OK to rest in my clear conscience); and 2) humility (i.e. I leave my heart always open to God's surgically precise conviction. If he wants to reveal an area of sin in my life, I will not be shocked and offended when he points it out, but thankful for the cleansing blood of Christ that is the only source of forgiveness, change and healing.)

That's what I'm thinking about this afternoon.

Warning...

2011-12-06T20:55:00.001-07:00

... Two-year-old potty humor ahead.

Here are two good ones from Lorien this past week:

"I think Larry Boy puts his poop in the potty."

"Mommy! I tooted! It makes me happy!"

Word Now Breaking Heaven's Silence

2011-12-03T14:43:00.001-07:00

The combination of listening to Christmas music and bathing Josiah this morning put a giant lump in my throat. I have loved this song for many Christmas seasons (especially those in which I got to hear Mark Epperson perform it at the First Pres Christmas Joy concert). But this year it feels especially meaningful as I hold my little guy and think about what Mary must have felt holding her baby.

In case you're wondering, it was the fourth verse that brought tears to my eyes this morning.

Welcome to Our World (Chris Rice)

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking

How we need to hear from God
You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child
Welcome Holy Child

Hope that you don't mind our manger
How I wish we would have known
But long-awaited Holy Stranger
Make Yourself at home
Please make Yourself at home

Bring Your peace into our violence
Bid our hungry souls be filled
Word now breaking Heaven's silence

Welcome to our world
Welcome to our world

Fragile finger sent to heal us

Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

So wrap our injured flesh around You
Breathe our air and walk our sod
Rob our sin and make us holy

Perfect Son of God
Perfect Son of God
Welcome to our world

[By the way, I am spending this afternoon doing more retro-updates, so look backward for more new posts.]

A small thing that's a big deal

2011-11-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

I mentioned that I've felt very disconnected, living so far away when both of my grandmothers passed away in the past 18 months. So I need to tell something very important about their passing. Both times, when the end got near, my brother Mike was the one who thought to call me so I could say goodbye to them. He'd get me on the phone, then put the phone up to their ears and let me say what I needed to say. I don't know how much either of them heard, but it meant so much to be able to at least tell them I loved them.

Good man.

I love this picture. I stole it from my sister in law, Mandi.

Grandma Beam

2011-11-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

So, I have now lost all of my grandparents. Pappy (my mom's dad) died when I was eight years old. But the other three I had into adulthood. My Grandpa Beam died when I was 23. And both of my grandmas I got to keep until my thirties.

My Grandma Beam died on Thursday night, the last one to go. In some ways it was expected. In some ways it was not. Last Christmas, we all got the respiratory yuck. At 92, hers turned into pneumonia, and she never really recovered. For months, we have doubted that she'd make it until the holidays. My dad has been asking her lately who she's looking forward to seeing in heaven. Of course, she'd say Ernie (my grandpa). But in the past week, she started talking about how she's been looking forward to seeing her mother, who died almost 50 years ago. Still, when she actually went, she went fast--less than 24 hours from when her oxygen levels dropped until she went home to be with Jesus.

The past year has been a hard one for my parents, brother and aunts, who have cared for her in her home, along with a handful of angels who were her home healthcare providers. I am so thankful to all of them for hanging in there with her. I felt very disconnected, being 1200 miles away during the whole thing, but it was such a big deal that she got to live out her days at home. She made a huge impact on all of us by caring so faithfully for grandpa during his long illness, so I am very proud of my family for giving the same gift.

We were planning to have my brother Mike and his family here for Thanksgiving, so obviously those plans got turned upside down. Thanks to my mom and dad's extra airline miles, we're heading to Ohio on Monday for Thanksgiving and a memorial service.

About 1920

Ohio State senior, 1940

In honor of their 50th anniversary (April 1992), taken fall 1991

At our wedding, 2004. Grandma Beam and Josh's Grandma Keffer
were the witnesses who signed our marriage license.

Josiah - Two Months

2011-11-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

A good little mama

2011-11-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

Lorien has been sooooo good with her baby brother. And she is learning all kinds of things about how to take care of babies. She is practicing on all her "friends."

Here she is with glow worm in the Baby Bjorn carrier. :)

Trick Or Treat!

2011-10-31T21:14:00.000-06:00

We've been intending to carve pumpkins for the last several years, and this year, we finally did it!

Can you tell who these guys are supposed to be?

Bob and Larry pumpkins in the snow!

Thankfully, by the time Halloween came, it had warmed up a bit and the snow had melted. (Gotta love fall in Colorado!) We trick-or-treated to just a few friends' houses. Lorien went as Snow White. My favorite moment was when she saw an older kid wearing a Scream mask and said, "He's yawning really big." Daddy and Josiah stayed home to hand out candy to the kids who came to our house. When Lorien and I returned home, she loved watching at the door and alerting Daddy when some kids were coming up our walk.

Little princess.

Punkin head

Faces

2011-10-17T15:54:00.000-06:00

My mom wanted some pics of Josiah's face, close up. I think these are pretty cute and funny...baby acne and all.

Josiah - One Month

2011-10-16T21:22:00.000-06:00

Hard to believe he's been here for a month already!

Lorien and Josiah

2011-10-10T15:45:00.000-06:00

First Snow

2011-10-08T15:43:00.000-06:00

Grandma and Grandpa Visit

2011-10-02T21:44:00.000-06:00

My mom was here for about a week and a half, and my dad came for a long weekend. Not gonna lie: it was pretty nice to have a 4 adults to 2 kids ratio for a while. :)

Lorien and Grandpa turned the patio into a work of art.

Grandma and Josiah

Not sure what was so funny, but from the look on Lorien's face, it was probably something she said.

Newborn Portraits

2011-09-29T21:28:00.000-06:00

Knocked flat

2011-09-28T21:04:00.000-06:00

What a week! Last Tuesday, Josh left for California and my mom arrived to help out with the baby. In between those two events, however, I had a bad case of the chills. I thought it was back spasms from my lower back still having issues, plus I was still on prescription strength Motrin from the delivery, so the shaking went away after my next dose.

Unfortunately, it wasn't back spasms, but a fever being partially masked by the Motrin. Wednesday morning I woke up freezing and shaking. It's a good thing my mom was here to take care of me. I laid on the couch all day, and as each dose of ibuprofen wore off, the fever would spike, and then I'd have about two miserable hours before I could take another dose. By late evening, even the meds weren't bringing any relief, and my fever was at 104. Of course, the nurse on duty at my OB's office insisted that I go to the ER, if only to rule out any postpartum infection.

So at 9:30 p.m., mom and I dropped the kids off at Mimi and Papa's house and headed to the hospital. As with any good ER visit, we had to wait about an hour and a half before I was admitted. As we waited, we were both reminded of the last time we both ended up at the ER together, and that was with my Grandma a few weeks before she died in May 2010. So we sat in the waiting room and talked about Grandma and cried together...a brief moment of beauty and grief in the hospital hallway.

And wouldn't you know it: while I waited to be admitted, I felt my fever break. Sure enough, by the time they wheeled me back, it had dropped by 3 degrees. Still, they swabbed me for everything imaginable and did an ultrasound to make sure I wasn't having complications from delivery. In the end, they diagnosed me with a nasty virus, charged me $9 for a dose of Tylenol (gotta love inflated hospital prices), gave me a bag of fluids via IV and sent me home. It has taken a whole week to recover. That is not how I was hoping to spend a week of my already-too-short maternity leave. Did I mention how glad I was to have my mommy here to take care of me?

Daddy's Traveling

2011-09-20T15:06:00.000-06:00

So, while we were in the labor and delivery room, Josh got a text message from one of his colleagues inviting him to travel to California for a shoot just one week after Josiah's birth. Neither one of us wanted him to be traveling this soon but the opportunity is such a good one, and at this point in starting a new business, you kind of have to say yes to everything. So he left for California this morning.

And here was my lunchtime conversation with Lorien:

Lorien: Where's Daddy?
Me: He's in California.
Lorien: That's all the way to Michigan!

She may get her sense of hearing from her Daddy, but apparently she gets her sense of direction from me.

More Josiah Photos

2011-09-19T16:00:00.000-06:00

With Mimi and Papa

Lorien looks into the nursery

She was skeptical for a while, but when she got to hold him, she became a believer. :)

Another bath pic, 'cause they're just so cute!

Josiah Lee

2011-09-18T21:05:00.000-06:00

He is here!

Josiah Lee was born at 2:33 p.m. on September 14, 2011.

We went to the hospital at 7:30 that morning to begin induction. It took about an hour before the Pitocin actually got started, and by 9:15, I was having some contractions. I got a fabulous epidural at around 11:00. (I am 2 for 2 on epidurals ... perhaps I should quit while I'm ahead.) By 1:45, I was ready to push, but.... my doctor was not!

Of course, there's no way we could have known this when we scheduled the induction, but a huge weather front moved in on the morning of the 14th. There was record rainfall that day—the most in 12 years. Apparently, that kind of shift in barometric pressure causes people to go into labor. TEN babies were born on the same shift as Josiah! My doctor delivered four of them, and at the point when I reached 10 cm., he was delivering another baby and scheduled to appear in surgery right after. So we waited about half an hour after I was ready to begin pushing. The epidural made that bearable, but eventually, we couldn't really wait any longer.

I pushed through 2 contractions with the delivery nurse, and then she said, "Stop!" She pressed the call button and called for Dr. Stark to come immediately. I waited through one contraction for him to arrive, then pushed through two more and Josiah was out! 8 lbs. 3 oz., 20 inches. And hair!

OK, enough words. Here are the pictures!

Ready to go to the hospital, one day short of 39 weeks. I had to include the cane in the picture, since it's part of the story of this pregnancy. Really hoping that offloading a baby will fix my back!

Just born!

Lorien wasn't sure what to think of him at first. She was very concerned about my IV, though.

First bath

Welcome...

2011-09-11T21:04:00.000-06:00

...to the Fall 2011 Class of the Focus Leadership Institute. I had such a great time spending the weekend with them at La Foret retreat center in Monument, Co. Granted, I don't move very fast right now, and walking causes a good bit of pain, so I wasn't able to participate in the kickoff retreat the way I usually do, but they have been wonderful—carrying my things and helping me to take it easy whenever possible.

It's strange that I will only have a week with them, and then I'll be out for at least 6 weeks on maternity leave, but it has been really fun getting to know them so far!

Ouch!

2011-09-07T21:03:00.000-06:00

I mentioned back in July that my lower back had gone out. Fortunately, at that time, a couple of visits to the physical therapist worked miracles, and I have been pain-free ever since. Until this weekend. When we took belly pics on Sunday, I could feel my sacrum starting to slide out again. Over the past few days, it has only gotten worse, and this time, getting adjusted didn't help. It's so late in my pregnancy that my ligaments are too loose to hold things in place once I've been adjusted.

So, this morning I stopped at Walgreens on the way to work and bought a cane. I'm not kidding. I am soooo glad we have scheduled induction for a week from now, because this is not a fun way to get around!

Belly Pics

2011-09-04T20:00:00.000-06:00

I swore that I wouldn't be that mom, who takes millions of photos of kid #1 and none of kid #2, but I kind of am. When I was pregnant with Lorien, we took a profile pic every month of the pregnancy. This time we have taken ... zero profile pics. Until today. Here they are! (37 weeks.)

The End is in Sight

2011-09-01T20:15:00.000-06:00

It's official. Baby boy Keffer will make his appearance on September 14, if not before. Last week's (36 week) ultrasound put him at 7.5 lbs, which means he's right on target to match Lorien's birth weight of 9 lbs. 6 oz. As my recovery from her delivery was a little rough, we have decided to kick him out before he gets quite so large.

This sounds kind of ridiculous, but I have to be at work until the 12th, and my OB doesn't work on the 13th, so the 14th it is.

With Lorien, I felt really strongly about waiting to go into labor naturally, and I'm glad I did. But I am pretty concerned about having another baby that big, and I would much be induced than have to have a C-section. Plus, there's that whole thing about a smaller baby and easier recovery. Still, the idea of having a set end-date to this pregnancy is so weird to me. And I have no point of reference for what induction will be like. Looks like I'm going to find out!

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-08-18T20:47:00.000-06:00

I mentioned a while back that work had been turned on its head with the sudden loss of our Vice President and Worldviews professor. His departure made everything feel pretty unstable at a time when I was looking forward to some peace and quiet and normalcy. That was the end of April. Little did I know that it was only the beginning.

At the end of May, my long-time boss and Director of Student Services submitted his resignation. That one wasn't a shock—I know he has been praying about moving on for some time and this time around, the answer to that prayer was yes.

And then, at the end of June, our Director of Admissions submitted his resignation. That one was kind of out of the blue. He had applied for a different job within Focus about two and a half years ago and ended up being the runner-up candidate for that position. Well, two and a half years later, the guy who got the job is leaving, so the department asked Ryan to apply for it again. I have to admit it's a perfect fit for him and a great career move.

At this point, all of the leaving is feeling pretty ironic and almost comical.

And then there was this morning. Our Resident Supervisor (the FLI equivalent of an RD) tendered her resignation. I'm thinking you're kidding, right? In case anyone is counting, that's 4 open positions on a staff of 10. And I'm going on maternity leave in a month. So the rest of my colleagues are literally going to do the fall semester on half-staff.

I guess one good thing about all of this change is that it has highlighted for me a big way that God has changed me over the past few years. There was a time when I would have been overwhelmed by this and mad at God for making me go through it. But now it's easier for me to say to God that I will accept whatever he gives me without arguing with Him. I absolutely can't take credit for that change—it's something he is working in me. And the Institute, I suppose, is poised for rebirth. We were already going through a financially challenging time. Now ALL of our leadership positions have been emptied at the same time. A year from now, we will either be reborn ... or we will be gone. Guess we will just wait and see which one happens.

Of treadmills and stethoscopes

2011-08-13T20:58:00.000-06:00

Two funny Lorienisms from this summer:

We have a stethoscope that my Grandma Harris gave us when I was pregnant with Lorien so that we could try to hear her in utero. It doesn't work so well for the intended purpose, but Lorien is kind of fascinated with it right now. She can't quite pronounce it correctly, though, and calls it a "tessagoat."

One day, I had Lorien at work with me briefly and we walked over to the fitness center. Looking in the windows at the cardio machines, she saw a treadmill for the first time and wondered what it was. I told her, but she couldn't remember the name, so for several weeks, she called it a "trash-melon."

Cultivating Diverse Musical Tastes

2011-08-01T20:40:00.000-06:00

A few of Lorien's favorite songs that Mimi has been teaching her lately: Barbara Ann, Bing Bang Walla Walla Bing Bang (The Witch Doctor Song) and Cozette's Song from Les Miserables. At least she'll be well-rounded. :)

Lorien Turns 2

2011-07-25T21:44:00.000-06:00

First birthdays are for the parents: a celebration of surviving the marathon first year. Second birthdays are much more fun as far as the kid is concerned. This time around, Lorien knew what to do with both her cake and her presents and we had a great time celebrating with her.

She turned 2 on July 19, but we spread the birthday partying over more than a week. First, she shared a party at our house with 2 FLI students when we hosted dessert night for the summer 2011 class. And later, we had a dinner party with Mimi and Papa in attendance. And yummy chocolate and peppermint cake!

Yummy Chantilly Cake from Whole Foods for the birthday party with the students. If you haven't tried this stuff, you really should! (You can see the desserts for Matt and Rachael, the other guests of honor to the right.)

We also got to worship with students in our home that night—a sweet time.

Blowing out the candles at her family party. She wanted us to relight them so she could blow them out again.

Here are some portraits I took of the birthday girl.

One of Lorien's favorite things this summer is sidewalk chalk, so I thought this would be an appropriate way to commemorate 2 years.

Sunflower girl

Favorites

2011-07-13T20:37:00.000-06:00

Here's what captures her attention for the longest span right now: She loves to play in the kitchen sink. It creates a bit of a flood on the floor, but it's worth it.

Lorien has always been a little skeptical about the Institute students. She has to size them up for a bit before she will be friendly with them. But this summer, she totally latched on to Mindy, whom I met with each week. As we shared big questions and thoughts about spiritual growth and a shared love of education (Mindy is a second grade teacher), Lorien fell in love with her, just as I did.

Lorien is learning to respond to requests to "smile" for pictures. So far, this goofy face is the result.

So sweet!

Visit from the Randalls

2011-07-05T20:32:00.000-06:00

Christy, Nathan and Macrae visited from Michigan the first week of July. Unfortunately, my lower back went out that week, so I was not very mobile. Fortunately, swimming is easy on the back, and Lorien and Macrae both love the water. We had so much fun at the pool!

The pool at the apartment complex where the FLI students live has a shallow section that is perfect for little kids. Macrae could crawl around and not be in too deep. And he thought it was hilarious to splash himself in the face.

Yes, this time around I broke down and bought a maternity swimsuit. I have a love-hate relationship with it, but at least it allowed me to get in the water and relieve my aching back.

Love his laughter!

3D

2011-06-28T17:59:00.000-06:00

With both of our kids, we've had more than the usual number of ultrasounds because of some common abnormalities with their umbilical cords. Lorien had a two-vessel instead of a three-vessel cord and she had marginal cord insertion. Baby boy just has the marginal cord insertion. The extra ultrasounds are just to make sure the cord issues aren't causing problems, which they haven't.

After receiving the good news that everything looks fine and healthy, we also got a little bonus with this ultrasound: a 3D image.

I think he looks like Lorien!

Big Girl Bed

2011-06-26T17:55:00.000-06:00

Shortly after we returned from our Ohio trip, we decided to move Lorien from a crib to a toddler bed. (Actually, it's the same piece of furniture—just with the front switched out to make a daybed.) If all goes well, we'll transition her again to a different toddler bed this fall and reassemble the crib for baby brother.

She has done very well with the change. No immediate issues with falling out of bed or getting out of bed when we shouldn't. But occasionally, we find her sound asleep like this...

The Sunglasses are Killin' Me

2011-06-16T17:52:00.000-06:00

That's all I have to say about that.

Love This Place

2011-06-15T17:54:00.000-06:00

This is the view from the back of my parents' house.
It is one of my favorites in the world.

Remembering Grandma

2011-06-15T17:51:00.000-06:00

My Grandma Harris passed away more than a year ago. As a long-time nurse, she made the decision to donate her body to medical research, and I thought it was so fitting that she did so. Wright State University school of medicine performed a spinal study on her body and then handled the cremation of her remains. Because of that, we weren't able to arrange for a burial at the time when we held her memorial service last July. So during this visit home, we were able to finally lay her to rest.

My whole family was present as well as my Uncle Greg and his whole family. It was a simple burial with no service—just a time of quiet after we buried the box with her ashes and then a brief time for those who wished to say something. I didn't say anything. Just cried again for the Grandma who meant so much to me and had such a big part in my growing up.

I remember this burial too, even though it has been 26 years.

The date to be added here is May 30, 2010

Yes, it is probably odd that we take family pictures at funerals and burials.

Afterward, we went to Grandma's house to continue the year-long process of going through her things and getting her house ready to sell. We sorted through her costume jewelry and the little girls had so much fun loading it on themselves. I love this picture of Lorien because I spent many hours playing dress up the same way when I was at Grandma's house. We were able to bring some of these pieces home with us so she can continue the tradition.

Photo Shoots

2011-06-15T17:50:00.000-06:00

My sister-in-law Mandi loves photography as much as I do (and is working hard right now to build her professional business). We had fun taking some pictures of our girls.

I'm pretty sure she gets this face from me.

The last 2 summers, I have bought matching outfits for Lorien and Kinsey just so I could take pictures of them. I'm afraid I won't be able to do that for much longer, since Carter's if the best place I've found to get the same piece in baby and kid sizes. They only go up to size 7, and Kinsey is fast approaching that.

O-H-I-O

2011-06-15T17:49:00.000-06:00

Normally, we would visit my family in Ohio in May, during the FLI semester break. This time, though, we had a 10-day window in June to see Doug and Chad—the only time this year we could cross paths in the U.S. So we headed east mid-June.

Lorien LOVES to bounce. (I sing the Tigger song to her all the time because she's "bouncy, pouncy, flouncy trouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun".) While we were at Grandma and Grandpa's house, she loved bouncing on the mini-tramp.

Bocce: Doug, Steve, Tyler and Chad

OK, this is not a fantastic picture of us, but for summer in Ohio, the weather was pretty beautiful, and we got to enjoy being outside quite bit.

Family picture: Probably the only time this year we will all be in the same state.

Lorien and I got to ride with Uncle Mike and Grandpa when they went to tag a new calf. New calves are one of my favorite things about the farm.

This baby's mama was a little nervous, so Mike didn't hold onto it long enough for Lorien to touch it, but that was OK, because she was a little nervous too.

Ty playing softball. We all went to his game and then went out to Steak 'N' Shake together.

Lorien with cousin Kinsey. It always amazes my how differently my kids and my brother's kids are colored. :)

Visiting with Grandma Beam

Her Father's Daughter

2011-06-01T16:33:00.000-06:00

One of the most fascinating things to me about raising Lorien is watching her unique self emerge and develop. The teacher in me is just in awe of how she learns and makes new discoveries about her world. For example, it's already evident that she's an auditory learner, just like her Daddy. I think that one stands out to me because I am so NOT an auditory learner. Very often, Lorien is aware of sounds that I am totally oblivious to. And one of her favorite things to listen for is airplanes, which is also like her Daddy. In fact, she is already learning to differentiate between airplanes and helicopters when she hears them.

Famous Last Words

2011-05-12T13:29:00.000-06:00

So, I am completely regretting something I said to Josh the weekend after Spring Graduation. I commented that I was really looking forward to this semester break, because it’s the first time since...I can’t even remember...December 2008??...when I’ve had a semester break and no personal or professional crisis to deal with. (When I say crisis, I don’t necessarily mean something bad. Sometimes it was just a major event that consumed all of my time, but still...)

But this time I was going to stay right here in Colorado Springs—we’re not planning to travel to Ohio until June—and catch up on life, both at home and at work.

Wrong.

The Monday after graduation, we found out that our VP, who happens to also be one of the most talented teachers the Institute has ever had, is leaving. Total surprise. Now that I have posted the official announcement, I can say it here.

Oh boy. Too much going through my head. Last week was lots of work that I didn’t originally have on my docket. Now we are sort of back to normal—at least in the sense that I am cleaning off my desk, tying up loose ends from Spring, and chipping away at the hefty to-do list I had constructed for myself in the one-day interval between graduation and massive-change-of-plans.

But I am also wondering what God is up to here...

Woman Juice and Fence Bumps

2011-05-10T21:40:00.005-06:00

“Woman juice” was a recent Lorien version of “lemon juice.” What else can I say?

A few weeks back, Lorien heard Josh say “fist bump” to me, and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. So now she regularly asks us to “fence bump” with her. Even double fence bumps.

Lorien often mixes up her Gs and Ds so, for example, we often find “Gog hair” on our floor. By far the funniest inversion of these letters happens when she mispronounces graham crackers and asks for more. damn. crackers.

Lorien's Lexicon

2011-05-10T21:19:00.001-06:00

Yorien = She knows her own name now, just can’t quite say it

oppisses = octopuses

memis = medicine

fwirl = squirrel

bingangs or bangdangs = bandaids

ongongs = onions

toondents = students (the college students mommy works with at Focus Leadership Institute. I think this is my favorite word right now.)

payo = tomatoes or potatoes (she uses the same word for both)

She can also count to ten and is getting pretty good at identifying basic colors.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T16:13:00.001-06:00

These were taken under the beautiful flowering tree in my inlaws' back yard. It's rare for it to still be in full bloom for Mother's Day, as it usually gets hit by some kind of storm by then. Gorgeous!

My and my girl. I can't begin to say how much I love her! (I'm also about 5 months pregnant with "baby brother" in this picture.)

Lorien with her Mimi.

And a daddy picture, even though it's Mother's Day

A Very Cool Graduation

2011-04-28T21:49:00.035-06:00

I say it every semester, and every semester it's true: It's hard to believe that another Institute class has graduated.

It was my 26th class. My second semester of overseeing all the student internship placements. A very different class from the fall class. And God showed up. We don't take that for granted: His presence every semester is what reminds us that this thing is not about us.

Here are some special people:

I got a chance to meet individually with all 5 of these ladies this semester. Mary Avery is in the center, and she and I met weekly (kind of :)) for some informal mentoring. She is in the process of switching from a major in nutrition to one in interior design. Oh, yes, and changing schools too. (Glad it's her and not me.) Through her work on her independent study in interior design, it was neat to see her passion for that work confirmed: she now knows that God has truly given her some gifts in that area.

Below is my small group: Rachel, Maggie, Rachel, Kaitlin and Laura. As I told them during our last dinner together (at Red Robin!), the thing I loved most about our times together was the good conversation centered around the Word. These ladies were willing to really dig in, ask great questions, and be taught by Scripture itself. I think that was the primary thing that grew us together as we studied Community.

Also, Kaitlin and I were definitely outnumbered as the resident extroverts. Actually, our small group was quite representative of this class as a whole—a class where a good number of mature leaders were introverts. Made me think a lot about if/how the staff needs to function differently to lead a group of introverted leaders than when the group is more extroverted. Still pondering that one, but I think I will be more aware the next time that situation arises.

For the first time in years, I personally supervised an intern (not as the practicum coordinator, but as the actual site supervisor). I'd done that when I worked at Plugged In, but not since. So let me introduce Maggie, my intern. This is a classy young lady with lots of talent as an event planner. She helped me to pull of the first two iterations of a brand new event that the alumni office is hosting: regional retreats for our alumni. Planning two events long-distance and making sure things run smoothly when you're not there to troubleshoot is a pretty impressive task. Thanks, Maggie: I couldn't have done it without you!

And here is a very cool moment from the ceremony itself. One of the members of the class, Matt, started it, so I'll let him tell about it. It was a blessing to all of us. (I know you can barely see it, but the students are standing with arms linked across the front of the stage—the whole class.)

Blessings to the class of Spring 2011!

18 Week Ultrasound

2011-04-26T21:20:00.001-06:00

Monday morning started out (early!) with our 18.5 week ultrasound. My doc intended to schedule it for 20 weeks, but somehow I ended up on the table at just under 19. No worries, we saw what we were hoping to see anyway. (But I'm going to make you wait until the bottom of the post to find out!)

This scan was longer than any of the four I had with Lorien. I think it lasted about 45 minutes, and I loved every minute of it. Love watching this little one from every angle. This first picture is probably my favorite, because Lorien sleeps like this too: on her belly with her bottom in the air. We call it "turtle mode." So cute to see it in utero.

So far it looks like everything is healthy. Lorien had two fairly common abnormalities with her umbilical cord: marginal cord insertion (cord attached to placenta near the end instead of in the middle) and a two vessel cord (instead of the normal three). The primary risk with both of these is slow growth rates, but clearly that wasn't an issue, since she was 9 lbs. 6 oz. at birth. :) All that to say: Baby #2 shows just the marginal insertion, but has all three cord vessels.

This one is also measuring about 4 days ahead of the due date I had calculated, and I don't think that means I'm wrong. I think that means I have another big baby. My doc assured me that we can do another ultrasound around 36 weeks to see what size baby we're really dealing with here, since all early indications were that Lorien would be around 7.5 pounds. That made me feel better.

And finally...the handsome profile. Yes, IT'S A BOY! He didn't let us see the evidence until almost all the way through the 45-minute scan, but once he did, it was pretty clear.

Josh was trying hard to be impartial about the gender during the ultrasound, but admitted afterward to praying for a boy. We are both very excited!

He Is Risen!

2011-04-24T20:58:00.047-06:00

Easter morning dawned bright and...er, wait...this is Colorado.

Once again, we had snow on Easter morning. Every time it snows on Easter, I have two thoughts. One is from my childhood because I remember my dad saying that if it rains on Easter Sunday, it will rain for seven Sundays afterward. I always think, "What if it snows on Easter? Will it snow for seven Sundays straight?" With as cold as this spring has been, I have been tempted to think so.

And now, as an adult, I always think of my pastor, who moved to Colorado Springs from Texas six years ago. He was so flabbergasted by the first few Easter snows—now I am sure that it snows on Easter just to mess with his mind.

We started the morning with Easter baskets, but quickly discovered that Lorien is not quite old enough for jelly beans (got a little choked up on one). She did really like the plastic eggs and the chocolate, though. I am so completely awed by the sight of her in her Easter dress—love having a little girl to dress up, and she had fun with it too.

An anecdote from sharing Easter with a not-quite-two-year old: among Lorien's favorite things right now are tunnels. At the playground, at the play place at the mall, at Whit's End, she will crawl through them over and over. So a week or so ago, she was looking at a baby Bible story book and saw the illustration of Jesus in front of the empty tomb. Her caption? "Jesus...In a tunnel!"

It is such a privilege to worship together with our church family, and I really enjoyed celebrating Easter morning with them. After church, we had a yummy ham dinner with Josh's parents, and Lorien received a baby doll as an Easter gift—good practice for her debut as a big sister later this year.

Carrot Cake...yum!

Cousins

2011-04-16T20:41:00.019-06:00

This past week, we’ve enjoyed a visit from Josh’s sister Christy and our nephew Macrae. The last time Lorien and Macrae were together was Christmas, and they are quite a bit more interactive this time than they were then.

It was fun to hang out at the mall (since it was too blustery to take the kids for a walk outside) and take Christy out for lunch on her birthday. My favorite Lorienism of the visit came after they left. After watching Macrae play in the johnny jump up all week, she renamed the contraption the “johnny bouncy mac.”

Transformational Leadership

2011-04-07T20:19:00.028-06:00

Last Friday and Saturday, I had the opportunity to attend a church leadership retreat with the staff and session (elders) at First Pres. It was sooooo good. Maybe because the cookies-to-people relationship was pretty hefty. :)

It was a working retreat, the first of two such weekends. We spent the time getting our bearings as a leadership team—discussing our distinctives and strengths as a congregation and identifying areas where we might be a little stuck as a Body.

Two things fascinated me: First in the process of identifying collective strengths, we were asked to break into groups and share pivotal stories from our time at FPC. We moved from there to sharing stories that have become "legend" within the congregation. You know: Those stories that get told over and over and everyone knows them, even if you weren't actually there when the thing happened.

Our facilitator said, "Just watch—even though you are split into three different groups and you won't all hear each other's stories, the same themes will emerge from all of the groups." Sure enough, that's what happened.

The other thing that really caught my attention was the way the facilitator defined "transformational leadership." Some problems, he said, are tactical problems. Change a simple habit or pattern and you solve the problem. Other problems are strategic—those require some change of vision or thinking to solve them.

And then there are the real sticking points—places where you can't seem to break out of a bad pattern no matter how hard you try. And the solution to these was surprising: leadership toward true transformation is about conflict management. You have to either introduce or allow conflict and then manage it as the people work toward resolution. The transformation comes through the process of resolving conflict, either internally or interpersonally.

Wow! That really resonated with me. Maybe because once it was highlighted for me, I could clearly see the principle at work in my own life. Because let's be honest. I am not going to really change anything at a foundational level unless I am so uncomfortable with the way things are that I have no choice but to change.

The process is perhaps messier when the conflict is external, but it's not too hard to see how the same principle applies.

At the next retreat (in May), we'll spend the 1.5 days talking about areas where our congregation needs some transformational leadership.

A Jack Sparrow Kind of Day

2011-04-05T21:17:00.017-06:00

We recently re-watched Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, and I was reminded how much I love the line at the end in which Jack Sparrow says to Will Turner, “If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.”

Our family has been waiting for an opportune moment for a while now...praying about it diligently for months...and yesterday it came.

Josh’s degree is in film and video production, but with the economic downturn coinciding with his college graduation, he hasn’t had the opportunity to work full time in that field. Instead, he has been working days in executive protection at Focus, and doing video work on the side. But he has always hoped return to the film and video world as his primary work.

Over the years, it has become clear that the people who are making a living in film and video in Colorado Springs are—for the most part—independent contractors. Making the leap from a steady paycheck every two weeks to self-employment was kind of daunting, but we were watching and praying for the opportunity to do so. At times, it seemed like it would never happen. But so many things have fallen into place over the past few weeks: small but important changes in my job that made it feel like I could continue to do it after baby #2 arrives, significant new freelance opportunities for Josh, and the chance for him to pick up some (unrelated) part time work this summer to help ease us through the transition.

The last of these puzzle pieces just fell into place on Thursday. We knew we had about a week to make the decision, but as it turns out, it didn't take that long. By Sunday night, we knew that Josh would be submitting his resignation to Focus on Monday morning. It was good for him to be able to leave under favorable circumstances: no hard feelings, no broken relationships, just the assurance that it’s time to begin a new season.

And so... a new season begins. If you need a good video editor, I happen to know one.

Announcement Time

2011-04-04T21:17:00.000-06:00

So, we made this announcement to our families back around Valentine's Day, and ever since, we've been telling people in person as we seen them. But I have not yet posted it publicly. I decided after the pictures in the last post that it was becoming obvious, so I better make it official:

In September, Lorien is going to be a...

Big sister!

Due date is September 22nd, so we have lots of good days to aim for: my brother Doug's birthday is 9/23; my Aunt Mary's birthday is 9/30, and Mom Keffer is 10/2. (As thrilled as she would be to have a grandchild born on her birthday, I really am not all that keen on beating my record of six days overdue with Lorien.)

No ultrasound pics yet, but we will post them when we get them. Seems that protocols have changed since Lorien was born, and by refusing the early Down Syndrome test (nuchal fold scan), I was also refusing an early ultrasound. So, we won't have one until 20 weeks. I don't regret refusing that test...just can't wait to get a look at this baby!

Fun with Friends

2011-03-28T21:12:00.000-06:00

I love the fact that my college friends Shelley and Jason are big Colorado fans. Jason, especially, can't lose the sneaking suspicion that he is meant to live here at some point in his life. So that means every year or two, they make their way to Colorado and we get to visit with them.

This time, they were in Buena Vista, Co., for a Young Life leadership retreat at Trail West Lodge. They brought along Josiah, who is seven months old, while their older two kiddos got to hang out at Grandma's for the week. After their retreat was over, they came down to stay with us for a few nights. We had a great time catching up...all except for the time when Xander got tangled up in their laptop cord, got scared, and tried to run away backwards, knocking the computer off of the coffee table and breaking the power cord.

I had fun taking pictures of Josiah.

And Shelley took the rest of the photos...

We spent Friday afternoon at the park...very windy, but fun!

In front of our house. This picture cracks. me. up.

A little more serious this time. Also, look how big Josiah is at SEVEN months old (Lorien is 20 mos.)

Lorien's Lexicon

2011-03-21T22:17:00.002-06:00

Wone = Phone. Sometimes. And sometimes she says it correctly.

Nankababy = Naked baby

Ham burger, Pine apple = she likes to enunciate these compound words into two separate words.

Didder = Xander, our dog.

Wowdy = Rowdy, which Xander often is.

Osos = Upstairs and/or downstairs

Wo-weesh = goldfish crackers

Woier-deuce = Water Juice. We mix them in her cup, so to her, they're one beverage.

Assauce = Apple sauce. Hard not to laugh when this comes up at the dinner table.

Coop = scoot. As in "Coop down the stairs."

Lazy Saturday Morning

2011-03-20T22:17:00.000-06:00

Saturday morning was glorious. I slept until 7 (about as late as I can make my body sleep these days). Lorien slept until 8. And Josh slept until 9!

Since we like to do "big breakfast" on Saturdays whenever we can, Lorien and I got busy making breakfast when she woke up. Josh was still sleeping when it was done, so we carted it upstairs (on our largest cutting board, since we don't own a breakfast tray), and we all had a picnic on mommy and daddy's bed.

Reading "Ham and Eggs" while eating ham and eggs. :)

She likes the donuts best!

The Gark

2011-03-20T22:12:00.000-06:00

I had tried to introduce Lorien to Green Eggs and Ham months ago, but she was not interested. However, when Dad read it to her during their visit, she decided that she now likes it. She calls it "Ham and Eggs."

One page—this page—is by far her favorite.

The other day she was asking, "I see...gark?" It took me a while to figure out what she wanted, but then I realized she wanted to see the "in the dark" page from Green Eggs and Ham. We have to read that page at least three or four times every time we open the book these days.

Birthday Week

2011-03-19T15:41:00.013-06:00

Josh's 32nd and my 34th birthdays happened mostly uneventfully this week. There were lots of other things going on, and neither of us could decide what we wanted for birthday presents, so there wasn't really any unwrapping to do. We did manage to have two nice family dinners: I made rosemary apricot pork roast for Josh on Sunday (his actual birthday), while my parents were still here, and Mom Keffer contributed his favorite red velvet cake. Then, two days after my birthday, we had dinner at Mom and Dad Keffers—sukiyaki and flourless chocolate cake...yummy!

Monday night we'll finish up the birthday celebration with our traditional trip to Red Robin for birthday burgers. For those who have Red Robin in your area: they do free birthday burgers during the month of your birthday if you register your rewards card online. Unbeatable!

A Visit From Gamaw and Capaw

2011-03-17T21:37:00.001-06:00

My mom and dad came for a visit and to attend the Focus over Fifty conference. We wondered how Xander would do with guests in the house for five days, since he is rather territorial about having people besides us in "his" house. He isn't mean, but he barks and barks, and he has such a huge voice, so it really annoying after a very short time.

Well, Dad tamed the beast...

My dad loves to torment, er, play with puppies. He would throw the ball for Xander over, and over and over. So, for the most part, Xander decided it was OK for him to be in the house. He still wasn't sure what he thought of Mom, but he even calmed down a little around her as the week passed.

Lorien is blessed to have two grandpas who LOVE to read to her. She and Dad read every book she owns at least three times, I think. Since Mom and Dad left, we have heard her ask for, "Campaw. More books?" several times. Apparently, her other favorite part of their visit was playing with Grandma in the back yard, because she also asks for "Gamaw, outside. Fwing?"

Family Photo

2011-03-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

We needed a new family picture to send to Josh's Grandma Keffer for her birthday, so we set up the tripod and snapped this one. I think it might be my favorite one of the three of us since last Easter.

Star Wars, Anyone?

2011-03-04T22:18:00.004-07:00

Lorien’s been stringing words together into sentences for the past month or so, and we love the Yoda-esque syntax on this one: “All done the milk.”

Also, for several months, she’s been pulling what we call the Jedi mind trick: telling us what she wants us to say in response to her:

“More crackers. OK.”

The OK in that sentence is not her saying OK. It’s her telling us that that’s what we’re supposed to say in return. It's so cute it sometimes works.

The Concept of Two

2011-03-02T21:43:00.013-07:00

This past week, Lorien has been learning the concept of two. She has known the word two for a while now... and that whenever she heard someone say, “one,” she should follow it with “two.” But now she gets that two is what happens when you have one in each hand.

It all started when I washed my cell phone last week. (Yes, that is another story entirely.) So the other day, I spent a LONG time on the phone with Verizon customer service, trying to get a very old mobile device activated on my number. And Lorien observed: “Two. Phones.”

Also, she is into “bear-bears” these days. None of her bear-bears have names. Just colors. Pink bear-bear. “Geen” bear-bear. Brown bear-bear. So now, when she has two of them in her arms, she’ll say, “Two. Bear-bears.” Super cute.

Valentine's Cupcakes

2011-02-14T21:21:00.001-07:00

In Lorien's words, "nummy, nummy!"

She Started This

2011-02-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't say that I'm ambitious about potty training. I definitely wasn't planning to start this early. But Lorien started informing us when she has to go. So we bought a potty. And she uses it. Not consistently, but at least every other day.

Here, she is reading "The Wheels on the Bus," which she calls "Party Time." She also likes to read her "Happy Book" when she's on the potty.

And yes, I know. Someday she will hate me for these pictures.

Getaway

2011-02-07T21:15:00.046-07:00

Like something out of a Robert Frost poem, I spent the weekend watching the woods fill up with snow. Each year, Women’s Ministries at First Pres hosts Mom’s Weekend Away. I wanted to go last year, but nursing made it too difficult. This year, I was determined to make it if I could, and Josh figured he’d do just fine hanging out with Lorien for the weekend. I really needed the time away to rest and be refreshed, and I’m so glad I went.

Didn’t get too many pictures of the venue, but it’s a rambling bed and breakfast/retreat center in Black Forest, Co., just 15 or 20 minutes up the road. It is tucked back in the trees, and it is sooooo quiet there.

The one slightly intimidating thing about the weekend was that I didn’t know anyone else who was going (or at least I wasn’t aware of anyone I knew who would be there). As it turned out, I knew just four of the other young moms and a couple of the mentor moms, so that was kind of a strange experience. Most of the ladies there were from MOPS at First Pres, and that’s something I've not been able to be involved in because of work. Amazingly enough, of the four young women I knew, two of them ended up in my small group for the weekend, so that was a great comfort.

Beyond that, I just have to say that the Lord had so much for me that weekend. Sleep. Tears—I literally cried all the way through the afternoon quiet time on Saturday—not really because I was upset about anything in particular, but because I needed the release of tears to let out all that was built up inside me. Guilt. Exhaustion. Worry. Questions. Uncertainty. Also, a speaker with whom I immediately found a deep connection, and through whom God brought good food for thought and very deep conviction.

And finally, a strange experience of being on “the other side” of the mentoring equation. I’m not even sure I can explain the strangeness of that experience except to say that, after working with college students for more than eight years straight, I have spent very little time being the “little sister” and a whole lot of time being the “big sister.” To sit in on an open-ended Q&A with more experienced moms and not be the one answering questions was weird. And moreover, it was weird that it was weird. I mean, I don’t think 33-year-olds are supposed to have that kind of feeling in that kind of situation. Nonetheless, that’s my life, and I love it. But it did occur to me that I should probably make more of an effort to get on the little sister end of the equation at times.

Meanwhile...

Josh and Lorien did a great job holding down the fort at home. She didn’t really notice that I was gone. And daddy taught her to say “beam-a-back” (beanbag) while I was away. :)

Holy, Holy Holy

2011-01-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come!

We know the words to the song that echoes eternally in the throne room of God. But we don't know the tune. I'd like to think it has many tunes. Maybe all at the same time. Music in heaven could easily have many more dimensions than it does on earth.

I imagine as the anthem of worship has pealed forth over and over and over that the echoes have, at times, made their way through to our world. Each time, someone heard a faint impression of the melody and wrote it down. How many Holy, Holy, Holies are there? And yet, I am still moved and awed by them.

Songwriters have been teaching us new songs since time out of mind. Each gives us an inkling of the glory of God, but none can capture it completely. We need new songs. We need to have the boundaries of our minds and hearts stretched. Music may be one of the only ways we come close to apprehending the infinite nature of God.

Selah.

I was dreaming tonight ... awake but dreaming ... of those who have passed on. One of the Holy, Holy, Holies was playing and because of it I remembered Paula. It was her favorite. I imagined her singing it. Then I tried to imagine my Grandma singing it. I couldn't. It's not her style.

But perhaps...

Being in the throne room changes us. We share all of the tunes. All at once. We sing sincerely to the beat of drums that are not native to us. The One who is to be praised is over all and through all and in all. And the Holy, Holy, Holy rings on.

The For-Real Prosperity Gospel

2011-01-17T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hope, riches and power. That was the theme of Sunday’s sermon. And yes, it does sound a little bit like name-it-claim-it preaching. But it's not. It's straight out of Ephesians 1:15-23 and Joe Farrell’s sermon, which was the second sermon in our winter series on Ephesians.

One of my New Year’s blogging resolutions is to write more about ideas, in addition to writing about daily life. Blogging regularly about the Sunday sermon seems like a good place to start. So much goes through my head, and if I’m not careful, the Sunday sermon will be in one ear and out the other. But if I take the time to jot a few notes about it, that might also help me ponder it throughout the week.

I am not promising a post every week. But I’ll see what I can do. OK, back to Ephesians 1.

I have to admit that reading this chapter is hard for me. There is SO much in it. (Last week, Jim Singleton's sermon on the first 14 verses had EIGHT points.) I absolutely cannot take in everything in it, so I often feel like it’s bouncing off my forehead when I read it. But it’s so important. And so encouraging. We are so blessed by our God and he wants to lavish his riches on us.

Joe’s sermon this week had just three points (like a good sermon should, right?):

#1) Hope: Paul tells us that this is what we are called to. Not to a career, or a place, or a vocation. To hope. And hope is a person, Jesus Christ.

#2) Riches: We get to see and receive some of these here on earth, and we will come into the fullness of the riches of God in the life that is to come.

#3) Power: this is the one that grabbed my attention the most, probably because Paul expands on it the most. God’s incomparably great power is for us. It’s the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

Read that again.

The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is for us.

What would it be like if we really understood that?

Xander

2011-01-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

Introducing ... the newest member of our family: Blackwood's Rose's Alexander McKenzie, or Xander for short. He came home on Friday, January 7, after Josh spent the previous week building this:

We figured when we bought the house that the side yard on the west would make a decent dog run. After shoveling OUT a couple of tons of river rock, shoveling IN a couple of tons of pea gravel, installing two dog doors and a big gate, voila! Dog run.

We got Xander from the Colorado State Prison Trained Dog program, which I think is awesome! The program rescues dogs from shelters, or has dogs donated, then teaches select prisoners to train them. The dogs live with the prisoners 24/7, so the inmates get to see the results that consistency, loyalty, discipline and love can bring. The head trainer (a professional dog trainer, not a prisoner) told us that she has heard many prisoners say that this is the first time they have ever finished anything in their lives. I love that! And it also gives the inmates an employable skill for when they are paroled. And the program is paid for by the adoption fees, so no taxpayer dollars are spent in it.

Josh and I both grew up with German Shepherds, so that was an easy decision (although my all-time favorite dog was mostly Husky). Last Friday, we drove down to Canon City to meet three Shepherds that were up for adoption at the time. Here is Xander the first time we met him:

Of the three dogs we met, one was too hyper, one was too timid and Xander seemed to be a good balance of the two. Plus, he was very gentle with Lorien, just sniffing her, not knocking her down or anything. As a bonus, he came to the program from a breeder, not a shelter (hence the excessively long name). The only reason he wasn’t used in their breeding program is he carries his tail too low or something to that effect. So basically, we got a real deal on this dog—he is beautiful!

We had previously been told that he wasn’t ready to leave the training program yet, but after meeting him, we found out he was. So it was a little surprise to be taking a dog home immediately, but it was a good surprise.

Xander is house trained and knows basic commands such as sit, lie down, stay and come. He has been very good at night: we put him in his kennel and don’t hear a word from him until morning. He has only had a couple of accidents inside, and I don't think that will be a long-term problem, once he gets the lay of the land here in his new digs.

The house-dog thing has been an adjustment for me, since I’ve only had outside dogs before. But the fact that he’s already trained helps a ton! Also, after about 2 days, he decided to become very protective of Lorien, protecting her even from Josh and me, so we’ve had to work on that a bit. We called one of the head trainers (which is one of the benefits of the program) for advice and he basically said that we need to teach Xander that Lorien is our puppy and not his. :)

So, here’s to a new season in the Keffer household. Xander has already helped us to get outside and walk more—something we like to do anyhow, but sometimes can’t find the time or motivation to do. Plus, I am so glad for Josh to have a dog. He loves them so much and is very good with them.

And that’s all I have to say about that. For now.

Traditions

2011-01-04T22:27:00.002-07:00

This is a Christmas post, but it has a cool idea, so I'm posting it because I want to remember it...

Josh's Grandma Keffer was away from home over Christmas, so she just got our package yesterday. We sent her a few fun little things and some Christmas cookies. She wrote a sweet e-mail in return, and I loved this bit of history:

when my kids had their last day of school—the next day we each chose a recipe, put the fixings in the middle, and each made his choice. I remember one year Rich took care of the baking for all the recipes. Then came decorating. I never had much luck with the pressed kind. My Mother always made divinity, fudge, peanut brittle.

I love the idea of cookie making as a celebration of the last day of school and the beginning of Christmas break ... now I just need to remember it for another 4 or 5 years.

More Words, According to Lorien

2011-01-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

Cago = Avocado

Gick-Gick = Mimi and Papaw's dog, Dickens

Wone = Phone

For a while, she was saying "e-mail" for oatmeal, but she's already corrected that one. :(

Seven Years

2011-01-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

Focus on the Family was kind enough to give us our anniversary off of work. OK, well, even if it was the New Year's holiday, it was nice! We had a no-pressure Monday morning. (I would say low-key, but Josh actually worked his butt off at building a dog run in our side yard.)

After lunch, we dropped Lorien off at Mimi and Papaw's and headed to the theater for a Voyage of the Dawntreader matinee, followed by dinner at MacKenzie's Chop House. (Mmmmmmm....steak!) We had a fun, relaxing time hanging out, seeing the show, eating good food and talking about dreams, ideas and plans for the next year.

Climbing Sand Dunes

2010-12-27T21:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever climbed a sand dune? I’ve done it in two different places—near the shores of Lake Michigan in northern Indiana, and at Great Sand Dunes National Park in Southwest Colorado.

Climbing sand dunes is hard work.

With every step you take up the dune, your foot slides halfway back down. So you make progress, but very slowly. And while it is beautiful—even exhilarating at times—it is exhausting.

This fall semester has felt like climbing sand dunes to me.

Learning a new job at work. Being a new parent (every step is still new, even though we're more than a year into the parenting thing). Settling into a new house and wanting so badly to do the fun things—painting and decorating—but struggling just to go to bed with a clean kitchen every night. And just when we reached the point of being unpacked, organized and ready to tackle some house projects, we realized we were out of money. Overspent on our budget actually. So Josh and I both picked up some freelance projects to earn some of that cash back. To say the least, balance in life feels like an unattainable goal right now.

I AM making progress. But it is slow. And it feels like one step forward, one-half step back.

It is also a very strange place to be in because I unequivocally love everything I have invested myself in. Marriage, parenting, students, church. I don't think I've ever had a season in life where so much has been so good.

But in the two weeks before Christmas vacation, both my chiropractor and my dentist confirmed that I am carrying a lot of stress around in my body. I know they're right. I also know this is why I spent most of my Christmas vacation sick. When I finally slowed down, I got the worst respiratory crud that I've had in a while. For a couple of days I was pretty much on the couch. For the rest of the time, I have been coughing, sniffling and fighting a sore throat.

The good news is I have had little on the schedule and lots of time to rest—even sleep in, which is amazing. But still, I hate having spent my vacation that way.

I am not writing this to complain. I just want to make a record of this time in my life, because I am eager to see what God will bring out of it. I know I can't maintain this pace forever. But I don't see any chance of the treadmill slowing anytime soon. I am living in that realm where I can't do it in my own strength, and I know that's often where God shows up. I just want to set up a mile marker, raise an Ebenezer, to remember this time, this place I'm in. Because it feels like a place that's growing fruit. I just don't know what the fruit is yet.

Wow Wows...

2010-12-27T18:54:00.023-07:00

... are flowers, at least according to Lorien. I think that's my favorite word she has right now.

She has moved from signing “all done” to saying it, and she’s starting to say Mommy and Daddy instead of Mama and Dada. She says “mok” for milk and “ahh-sauce” for applesauce. She still likes to say “amen” and to tell you to get off the phone by saying “bye-bye” before you do.

She also says Ty Ty for her cousin Tyler, recently named Grandma Keffer “Mimi” and has learned to say “Gamaw” and “Gampaw” for my parents this past week. (Grandpa Keffer is Papaw.) She also dropped her bottle completely over Christmas and is drinking everything out of a sippy cup. What a big girl!

Christmas Cookies

2010-12-22T21:24:00.012-07:00

Since I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, we have been making spritz cookies for Christmas. Tonight was the night for this Christmas season.

Can you even make cookies without a Kitchenaid mixer?

My dad is the chief baker. He doesn't cook much,
but he can make Christmas cookies!

My niece, Kinsey

Fresh cookie dough. Don't worry ... it won't look like this for long.

The secret to our cookie making tradition
is to turn the kids loose with the food color.

Tyler wanted blue and green.

Lorien was pretty tired and observed from the sidelines
with her thumb in her mouth.

She removed it long enough to tell Tyler and Kinsey
they were making a mess...

...and popped it back in again.

Now that's more like it.

Dad and Ty press out the cookies.

Steve is working on a special project.
What will it be this year?

Next, we add the decorations

Gunsmoke

Yes, friends, we do make some uuuuuuugly Christmas cookies.
It's a tradition.

Steve's finished project

Kinsey's masterpiece

Meeting Baby Mac

2010-12-19T15:02:00.004-07:00

One providential circumstance in our lives right now is that, though Josh and I both have family living far away, at least some of those family members live within driving distance of each other. So when we visit the Midwest, we get to see my parents and two of my brothers in Ohio, and we get to see his sister and brother-in-law, who live in Michigan.

This time, there was a new nephew to meet too. Macrae Paxton Randall was born on 9.11.10. He is a big, happy boy with a winning smile!

Love the dimple!

Lorien checks out her new cousin.

She was not very happy about having another baby on Mom's lap,
but she agreed to let me hold him if I would hold her too.

Baby feet!

We got to have a little Christmas gift exchange with the Randalls. Lorien got puzzles!

Macrae is rather oblivious to the unwrapping of presents. Even when they're his.

Merry Christmas!

Small groupies and Graduation

2010-12-18T18:00:00.092-07:00

Whirlwind week. We graduated the Fall 2010 Institute class during the day on Thursday, had our staff Christmas party that night and left our house at 7:30 the next morning to catch a flight to Ohio.

Though it would be easy to jump full force into Christmas, I don't want to blow past graduation, because it has been such an amazing semester. Yes, we definitely had a great class of students, but there was also something different for me this semester that I don't fully understand.

The two tangible things that stand out to me were 1) I got to be closer to the classroom experience than ever before by supervising the student internships, and I absolutely loved it, and 2) I had a wonderful small group. Yes, I say that every semester, but I need to write about these ladies and how God brought them together as a little community this semester. In my living room. Every Wednesday night.

My small group was made up of four roommates and one extra. Which might have seemed awkward, but it wasn't. Right away, it was easy to tell how three of the four roommates had been placed together. Meghan, Beka and Whitney are all blond, Southern, and outdoorsy (their observation, not mine). An easy match. Apparently, there was originally a fourth roommate of a similar description assigned to their apartment, but she dropped out and was replaced by the next person on the alternate list. Her name is Anne Marie...dark hair, hails from Wisconsin, business major, interested in politics.

It could have been a setup for a serious case of "one of these things is not like the others." But it wasn't. It was amazing how these ladies made the most of their differences and really drew out each other's strengths.

Like Beka's ability to put everyone at ease, make everyone feel incredibly loved and valued, and to ask really good questions.

Or Meghan's uncanny combination of tough and tender: This is girl who backpacked for 30 days straight to complete her NOLS certificate, who has all the skills and vision of a budding executive, and yet has a deep compassion for at-risk youth and wants to through her energy and vision into pulling youth out of poverty and high-risk situations.

Or Whitney, whose six foot stature and amazing blond hair turn heads wherever she goes. (She denies it, but her roommates tell the truth.) She is a leader among leaders, and yet God was doing big things in her life this semester with regards to weakness and choosing to be vulnerable. It was amazing to see what happens when someone that others perceive as very strong chooses to become weak...and very real.... It creates an atmosphere of authenticity and honesty in the whole group.

And Anne Marie is a thinker. It became kind of a joke that when Anne Marie said, "I've been thinking...," she meant she'd been thinking about the thing at hand for hours. I often found myself pondering some insight she had contributed to the discussion and realizing it was a brand new perspective I'd never heard before, and that it was really challenging to me.

Rounding out our group was Christine from Dallas. She dreams big. She knows what she wants. And she spent the semester opening herself up to the God of the universe, asking Him what His dreams are for her life. She was also willing to ask tough and insightful questions of herself...and of me. I knew that every time she came into my office, there would be something worthwhile to talk about.

So every Wednesday night the six of us got together for a couple of hours, shared dessert, shared our lives, prayed and studied Scripture together. What a blessing, and definitely a tangible part of what made my semester so good. They got under my skin—I couldn't help but drop my guard. They served me, especially by offering free babysitting. I can't wait to see where God takes each of these beautiful ladies.

One more note about important things this semester: I also met weekly with Mallory, whose goal for the semester was to "grow up." I think it takes a good dose of extant maturity to even set that as a goal. She comes from a great family, and I totally knew what she meant when she said she needed a push out of the nest...to learn to be a big girl and venture out into the adult world on her own. It was fun to walk with her on this first semester far from home—to share a love for teaching and literature, and to talk about life, love, marriage, personal finances, conflict resolution...just anything that was on her mind. I wish her the best as well!

I have to close with this final snapshot. During graduation, we sang the hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy"—an Institute favorite thanks to Dr. Del Tackett. Four guys who had been roommates were scattered at 3 different tables near me, and during the song, this is what happened:

I cried. Loved seeing this tangible display of the brotherhood that had formed in their apartment this semester.

So, what can I say? I love my job. I'm tired out and ready for a break, but so thankful to have had these particular 44 students as a part of my life this semester.

Zero to Fifty Nine

2010-11-27T21:45:00.001-07:00

Lorien really took off walking over Thanksgiving weekend. On Thanksgiving Day, she put a half-dozen steps together for the first time. By Saturday night, she did fifty nine in a row!

"Before" Part Two: Downstairs

2010-11-27T21:38:00.000-07:00

More "before" pictures:

The front of the house ... or PART of the front of the house, anyway.
My lens wouldn't allow me to get the whole thing.
I promise I will get a good one soon.

Just inside the front door is the living room.

Another view of the living room, from the top of the stairs.
This gives you a perspective on how the living and dining rooms
are laid out. For reference, the front door is out of view
in the bottom right of the photo.

Dining room with our craigslist table and free hutch.
I have big plans for the hutch, and it will not be the
same color when I am through.

Family room, with the kitchen counter in the bottom right.

Another view of the family room. Sliding patio door has already been
replaced, thanks to Josh and my dad.

View from the family room: you can see the kitchen on the left
and barely see the living room beyond the stairs.

Still to come: I need to post shots of the kitchen, basement and yard.

"Before" Part Two: Upstairs

2010-11-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

I took the whole week of Thanksgiving off and spent some time hanging out with Lorien and working on stuff around the house. We've reached a new plateau, of sorts: Most everything is unpacked and put away, but almost nothing has been personalized. All of these big, blank ivory walls feel like empty canvases to me, and I am just itching to put some color and some art on them.

The last time I posted interior pictures of the house, the previous owner's stuff was still all over the place, so I thought this would be a good time to post another round, now that it's really ours and before we begin in earnest the work we want to do on it. So here is round two of "before" pictures.

Lorien's room. It is the only room we painted before we moved in.
It's light yellow with a white faux finish.

Her quilt is also one of the only things we've hung on the walls so far.
Still to do in this room: curtains, throw pillows for the window seat
and other wall hangings. It is a sweet, bright cheery room.

Guest room. The walls and ceiling of this one need some repair work.

Office. This desk was a craigslist purchase that looks like it was MADE to fit
in this room. So excited about that, even if it is vintage 90s. Still to do
in this room: paint, art, curtains, and some fun stuff like
chalkboard paint on the closet doors, I think.

Guest bath. We are all using this shower/tub because the master bath shower is not functional yet.

Just want to point out that it came with a very snazzy toilet seat...

... and a very bad tile job. :(

Master bedroom

and another view

and another. I don't have a vision yet for colors in here.

Master bath, with what Josh refers to as my redneck carpet job.
It's two different remnants covering the floor until we are able to tile it.

And here is the lovely project that greeted us in the master bath
when we ripped up the old carpet. Gonna have to do a little more
demolition to find out the extent of the damage. Fun stuff.
We already have the new tile purchased, and I love it!

Happy Thanksgiving...

2010-11-25T22:59:00.004-07:00

... from our house to yours!

For the first time since we have been together, Josh and I both had our families on the other end of the country while we were here in Colorado. So we spent a lovely day with our Institute family at the home of the Lelands. I think there were about 25 people there for dinner, which feels about right to me.

Becca and I collaborated on Thanksgiving dinner, and I made my first turkey ever. I used the Pioneer Woman's brining recipe as well as her roasting instructions, and I was very pleased with the results (even though Josh thought the brining process looked like soaking the turkey in pond water overnight). Most of the guests brought food to share, so there was plenty to eat! For my first attempt at cooking Thanksgiving dinner, I was glad not to have to do it all on my own after all. And I feel much more confident than I did before today that I could pull off the whole shebang if I had to.

I am not sure how to elaborate on this without sounding wordy and trite, so I will simply say it: I have so much to be thankful for! For example...

Mmmmmmm...pumpkin pie.

(Which mom will also be having for breakfast all weekend, of course.)

"How ya feelin', Patrick?"

"Like I'm in my first trimester."

Estudiantes :)

Peek-A-Boo

2010-11-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

Or, as Lorien says, "Pee-Too."

The Things Grief Writes

2010-11-20T21:28:00.003-07:00

This fall, I’ve been following the story of an FLI alumnus who lost his 33-year-old wife to a perfect storm of epileptic seizures and cardiac arrest in early October.

I. Can’t. Even. Imagine.

Grief is one thing. Grief of that kind is just beyond me.

There are so many things I could say in response to Brad’s story, and I have hesitated to write anything, because I don’t want to exploit it. But here’s something that keeps coming back: I noticed a long time ago that writing that comes out of grief is different from any other kind of writing. To be precise, I guess most people in deep grief don't write. At least not publicly. And those who dare to put their feelings on a page spew everything from disbelief to sadness to rage. But there is a quality about their words that is often more raw and real than most other things we read or write.

Have you ever read A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis? It’s a very raw travelogue through his grief after the death of his wife Joy. He kind of goes crazy in it. That, and his theology gets pretty bad. It’s that book that made me realize that, at times like that, good theology is not really the point. Relationship with God is. And we have a God who can handle all of the wild emotion we can throw at Him in our grief. Thank goodness.

Maybe my favorite treatment of grief ever is Sheldon VanAuken’s in A Severe Mercy. He also loses his wife, and rather than writing in the midst of his grief, he looks back years later on the process of grieving and shares how he walked through that season of his life. It is beautiful. One of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

While I’m on the topic, the song “Hard to Get” by Rich Mullins isn’t specifically about grief, but it is amazing. And I know of at least two people for whom this song was very cathartic when they were going through seasons of painful loss.

I say all of that to say this former student, Brad, has been blogging about his story, and I think that some of the things he has written are right up there with the pieces I just mentioned as far as a biblical, heartfelt, really honest treatment of grief goes. (If you want to read the story, the posts about losing Stephanie start on October 4. Or just click on the heading "Stephanie.") I particularly like the entries Can’t and Emotions. (OK, maybe "like" isn’t the right word. But they are good. Very good.)

Brad and his kids Brady and Halle have been on my mind and in my prayers a lot this fall. For their sake—and all of our sakes—I am thankful that God made grief as the process by which he heals us after a loss. A lot of times I think, Why that process? Couldn’t there be something easier? Or more pleasant? Or that made more sense? But, mysterious and maddening as it may be, grief is what he gives us, so it’s what we’re stuck with. And, thanks be to God, it does bring healing if we let him have his way in us through our grief.

I Love My Job

2010-11-19T10:59:00.011-07:00

For five years I have been heading up the alumni program at Focus Leadership Institute. I think I can safely say that—besides my family—it has the most potential of anything I have ever had the chance to invest myself in.

In our 15-year history, we have graduated just over 3000 students. My very first semester on staff, God gave me a vision of what it might look like if each of those students simply went where He called them and used the gifts He gave them to the best of their ability. The possibilities are truly astounding. I mean, if that were to happen, changing our culture for good could be a reality and not just a good idea. I really believe that.

So, after spending my summer absorbed in event planning for our big alumni reunion, I was excited to use my time this fall working on big-picture projects on the alumni front. First order of business was to get some better communication tools. I’m convinced that the best way to help our alumni make a difference in their world is to create synergy—to help them generate ideas together and act on those ideas, to enable them to hire and mentor one another, to help them build community together across classes. But to do that most effectively, we need a serious upgrade in our online communications. To make a very long story short: I am working on those things, but God also had other plans for my fall.

Unfortunately, those plans came about through a reduction in force on our staff. It’s no secret that in this kind of economy, nonprofits suffer. And in higher education, schools have a hard time filling seats. Being part non-profit and part higher ed, FLI kind of got slammed in both ways. So we lost our Director of Professional Practicums. And three other staffers. Which was heartbreaking. The fallout was that, suddenly, I was responsible for coordinating all of our student internships. Talk about the last thing I expected...

But, holy cow, do I love it! First, it gets me closer to the classroom than I have been since student teaching 12 years ago. (I even like grading papers again.) And it completely thrills me to see students figuring out what they’re gifted at and how they can best put their gifts to work.

And through site visits, I get to build relationships with some great local organizations. Plus, I just love learning new things about areas which fascinate me, even though I will never work in them. For example...

Last week, I visited Pikes Peak Therapeutic Riding Center, where I met some of the staff and learned about their operations. (And I got to hang out in a barn in the cold, which totally felt like home.) I was amazed that all of their horses are donated. The stories of how the horses got there are so cool, especially since horses used in therapy sessions must be perfectly “sound,” i.e. their gait has to be totally even and stable, so no injured or deformed horses can be used. And why is that? Because riding a horse with a healthy walking rhythm helps a child who can't walk to internalize the feeling of walking normally. Which can eventually help the child to actually walk normally. I had no idea!

Beka is the intern assigned there, and I got to watch her assist with two different therapy sessions. She had told me before that she doesn’t often get details on the conditions of the riders, because it would violate their medical privacy. However, during the second session, the rider’s name was Tyra, and I got to stand next to her mom while I watched, and mom was totally happy to fill me in on the details.

Tyra is 8 years old. She has two different syndromes which both result in very low muscle tone. She has been doing therapeutic riding for about 18 months total, over the course of 3 or 4 years. When she started riding, she could barely stand on her own and definitely couldn’t walk. Within months, she could walk on her own. Now her therapists are working on core strength in hopes that she will eventually be able to form words (she is currently vocal, but not verbal). I was enlightened again. Who knew that core muscle strength had anything to do with the ability to speak? Tyra’s mom says hippatherapy has helped her more than any other kind of therapy she has been in, because she loves the horses, so she’s very motivated to work at her therapy.

Sorry for the poor pics—all I had was my phone.

Beka is the one in the white hat and black jacket.

And that's Tyra on the horse.

Then, yesterday, I got to visit Pine Creek High School, where Whitney is interning in Sports Medicine. She works with student athletes during games and in preparation for practice. And she gets to teach the students in the Athletic Training class. This week’s topic was spineboarding:

Whitney is at the head of the "injured" player, leading the team of future trainers in stabilizing him and securing him on the spine board.

Whitney has told me from the beginning of the semester that she loves medicine and she wants to use her position as an athletic trainer to minister to high school and college athletes. It was fun to watch her assume leadership in the classroom so naturally and walk this group of students through a pretty complex procedure. And along the way, I heard her interact with the students about not only their sports, but also about troubles they were having with their families, etc. Yep, I’d say she’s doing what she set out to do.

I should also mention that both of these students are in my small group that meets at our house on Wednesday nights. We're studying community in the early church. I can't explain how much I love it. Eating, laughing, praying and studying Scripture together with my students makes the classroom and internship stuff even more meaningful to me and to them.

So, while I’m a little overwhelmed by the combination of my new responsibilites and my old ones, it helps an awful lot that I love both. And I can’t wait to see how networking with great organizations and networking with alumni ends up creating even more opportunities than I ever had before.

Friends

2010-11-18T22:32:00.003-07:00

This past week brought a visit from one of my oldest friends. Not that Beccy is old. :) Just that our friendship is a good, long one. We have been friends since I was 13, I think.

She and her boys took a little detour from their trip to Denver and came to stay with us for a few nights. Two things about that: 1) Lorien loves having other kids here to play with, and 2) It is a bit harder to find good girl talk time with three little ones running around, but we did find some, and it was so good for my heart.

Breakfast with Uncle Doug

2010-11-07T22:32:00.000-07:00

My brother Douglas lives in New Dehli, India, and teaches at the American Embassy school there. But this past week, he was in Spokane, Wash., for a professional conference and this morning he had a three-hour layover in Denver on his way back to India. So we got to meet him at the airport and have breakfast together. It was a very nice visit!

We stepped outside so that Doug could get a glimpse of the mountains.

It was a beautiful day!

Showing off her walking skills. She still needs a hand, though.

Pondering

2010-11-01T19:26:00.002-06:00

I had a conversation with a student today about identity. It's something we talk about a lot. Probably because our twenties are so much about discovering/forming/understanding our identities, so that's what these students are doing.

But in the middle of a sentence, I realized that I was talking about this student's sense of identity when I really meant his sense of worth. As in it's OK for your identity to be defined--at least somewhat--by what you do, but it's not really OK for your sense of worth to be defined by what you do.

But now I'm wondering... what really is the difference between identity and worth? And is the thought that I had valid?

Trick Or Treat!

2010-10-31T21:55:00.003-06:00

We had a little Mouse in the house tonight. This costume came in the mail about a month ago from Grandma Beam. Sooooo cute!

We didn't actually do much trick-or-treating. Just visited a few friends who live here in the neighborhood. And then we finally had Grammie's 60th birthday dinner--only four weeks late. The celebration was punctuated by many ringings of the doorbell, and Lorien liked saying "hi" to the trick-or-treaters.

I was surprised that she didn't try to rip the gloves and hat off, but she didn't mind them at all. She actually liked clapping her hands with the big mitts on.

I love the face she's making here.

Daddy and his mousketeer

Farmer Girl

2010-10-31T21:48:00.002-06:00

Lorien decided she needed to wear her John Deere hat with her church dress this morning.

Breathe

2010-10-25T21:17:00.007-06:00

We had a lovely weekend getaway in Denver. Lorien stayed here in Colorado Springs with the Abels. I’m not sure who had more fun—Lorien, or Jacob and Jessa, who are 13 and 11 and looooove kids.

We headed out late Saturday morning, stopped at the outlets in Castle Rock to pick up a few things for Lorien, and ate at Chick-Fil-A, which was a treat, because we have been working hard to cut back on fast food this month. We checked into our hotel in downtown Denver and hung out for a while before heading to Cherry Creek to eat at Houston’s. This was a new place for us, and we had been given a gift card to try it out. Let’s just say I hurt myself eating there.

Next stop was the Pepsi Center to see the Avs play the L.A. Kings. We just walked there from our hotel, which was super nice. And not needing to fight traffic after the game was even better. Pro hockey is always fun. Would have been more fun if the Avs had won, but...

Back to the hotel. I slept until 8:15 a.m. I don’t think I have done that since before Lorien was born. Heavenly. Josh was still asleep when I woke up, so I went and sat in the hot tub on the roof. Also heavenly. We had an awesome leisurely breakfast at The Corner Bakery before heading home.

Oh yeah, and we stopped in Castle Rock again at my brother Steve’s request to buy him some ugly sunglasses. :)

I can’t say how much I needed that. I really love my life right now. Love my husband. Love being a mommy. Love my job. Love my students. Love church. But I feel like I am ALWAYS trying to be 100% efficient with my time. Trying to squeeze the most out of every minute or things will fall apart. So I can’t explain how nice it was to have about 30 hours where we didn’t have to do anything efficiently (well, except for finishing dinner in time to make it to the Avs game before the national anthem, which we did. And which explains the hurting myself eating). Slowing down for 2 days and just enjoying each other and the fall weather, and some rest, and some beautiful and fun things was exactly what I needed.

Ready to make it to Thanksgiving now...

At Least She's Getting Some Calories, Right?

2010-10-10T20:34:00.003-06:00

On Friday, we discovered that Lorien has her first ear infection. The PA thought that was perhaps the reason why she has hardly eaten anything since Tuesday. She's on antibiotic now, and I think she's starting to feel better, but up until this evening, it has been an adventure trying to get her to eat anything at all.

Oatmeal?

Nope. (And she really says "nope" or "dope" instead of "no.")

Sloppy Joes?

Nope.

Grapes?

Nope.

Puffs?

I'll try a few. (Too bad they have like .2 calories each)

Pears?

Nope.

Plums?

Nope.

Oreos?

Oh yeah!

Been Working on this a Long Time

2010-10-10T20:26:00.003-06:00

Lorien finally has enough hair for pigtails. Kind of.

"Babies"

2010-10-01T16:00:00.004-06:00

One of Lorien's favorite words right now is "baby" or "babies." Like many of her words, it has multiple meanings. First, the (sort of) literal meaning: anyone age 0-10 is a baby. She is adept at identifying pictures of babies too.

Meaning #2: Berries are "babies." And she loves them! She can really chow down.

Maning #3: Bellies are "babies." And she is learning to point to hers and others' bellies. When you ask her to find her own belly, she looks down inside her shirt for it.

Catching Up

2010-09-23T20:03:00.011-06:00

A photographic review of the last month or so:

I mentioned before that mid-August saw the big 5-year FLI alumni reunion come to pass. It remains one of the more monumental events of our summer. Here we are (there were about 25 of us) at Red Robin at the close of the weekend:

The next week, Mom, Dad and Steve came for a visit. Steve and I refinished our dining room table, which is one of my best Craigslist purchases ever.

Dad did all kinds of jobs around the house, including installing a new patio door. He says we "worked him like a rented mule," but I'm pretty sure he loved every minute of it. This pic was too good not to post:

Lorien got lots of lovin:

Babies, babies, babies... I got to capture portraits of two kiddos from our small group: Maggie at 4 weeks:

...and Sam at 9 months. This happy boy is 4 months younger than Lorien, but weighs just as much if not more than she does:

Annnnnnnddd... we have a new nephew: Macrae Paxton Randall, born September 11, 2010, to Josh's sister Christy and her husband Nathan. He is in Michigan, so I am not sure when we will meet him in person, but we're pretty glad he's here!

Reading

2010-08-31T20:20:00.005-06:00

Maybe it's because I recently lamented the unfortunate loss of my Little House on the Prairie books. And maybe it's because I've been having an online conversation about books with one of my former students (who now has three kids to read aloud to). At any rate, I have been having fun thinking about books to read aloud to children.

Here are three lists with lots of great ideas:

http://www.classical-homeschooling.org/celoop/1000.html

http://www.worldmag.com/articles/12466

http://www.worldmag.com/articles/12468

I was such a reader when I was a kid. I have great memories of my dad reading aloud to me. I used to get in trouble for reading in school when I was supposed to be doing math or social studies or something. Either Josh or I read with Lorien every night. My favorite right now is Guess How Much I Love You. Such a sweet book with beautiful illustrations! I can't wait until we are into chapter books.

What were your favorite books as a child?

Ahhhhhhh....vacation

2010-08-18T09:49:00.003-06:00

It seems so strange to say that the FLI all alumni reunion that I have been planning for three years has now come and gone. I am very pleased with how the weekend turned out, even though the event felt like a moving target for so long. We really didn't know how many people we were planning for until about a month ago. In the end about 200 people came through the doors and it was sooooo good to see old friends again ... and to meet some new ones.

And now, after two moves, two trips to Ohio, a funeral, a reduction in force at work, the addition of some new responsibilities and a big deal reunion in the past five months, I have eight whole days off. In a row. Loverly! Unfortunately, Josh doesn't have the same luxury. Having him home with us is the only thing that would make this week even better.

Last night I slept from 10:30-7. Got up, fed Lorien breakfast and went for a short run with her in the jogging stroller. (Haven't been running much in the past...oh, two years, so we are starting slow.) Came back, ate my own breakfast, put baby girl down for a nap and then took my coffee outside to read the last part of Jeremiah on the backyard swing. (I won't even tell you how long it has taken me to read Jeremiah. It's embarrassing.) Had a shower, and now I am read to tackle the last piles in the basement.

I'm really hoping to finish going through boxes today and tomorrow. Mom, Dad and Steve are coming tomorrow evening. It will be so good to have some time with them, and Dad is itching to get some projects done around our house (yay!). I'm hoping to have everything all staged to do that so that we can dispense with the moving in and really start making this house a home.

The Dorothy Dress

2010-08-07T20:58:00.004-06:00

This was my dress when I was little. Now all she needs is a pair of ruby red slippers.

These photos were taken last weekend, and she was still needing some help to stand up behind her push toy. This weekend she can pull herself up!

Hot Princesses

2010-08-07T20:44:00.004-06:00

This is my small group from FLI's Summer 2010 Semester. I love them! All semester, they kept joking about coming up with a name for our group like the warrior princesses, or something. For graduation, I got them each two bright pink roses, and the name of the rose variety was "hot princess." So I guess that's what we are now called. :)

Kelly Lynn, Emily, Franki Jo, Me, Sarah, Stina, Kortney

Together we studied Christian community in the New Testament church. Acts 2:42-47 was our core passage. We noted that one of the core elements of the early church community was that they prayed together for big things and that God was in their midst working in big ways. The thing that will probably stick with me from this group is that, on the last night we met, we shared "impossible" prayer requests. Then we prayed together for big things to happen. And because our God is the same God who showed up in Acts, I think that means I should be expecting to see some big answers to those prayers. Can't wait to see what God will do!

Cool Old Photos

2010-08-06T22:38:00.006-06:00

I have been meaning to post these for a while: Some really neat old photos we discovered as we were going through Grandma Harris's things and preparing for her memorial service...

My grandma as a young woman

My grandpa during WWII

My grandparents were small business owners after my grandpa ("pappy") got out of the military. This is the store they owned in New Carlisle, Ohio.

Flower girl - maybe eight years old?

First year of nursing school

Unpacking

2010-08-06T22:07:00.004-06:00

We have been taking the time to move into our new house slowly, for a couple of reasons. First, with working full time and parenting, you just can't set any speed records. We plan to be here for a while, so once we found all of the things we need to use on a daily basis, there was no more need to rush. We are now unpacking at a snail's pace.

Second, we've got stuff in boxes that has been there for years. Some stuff got moved to our last place in boxes and never made it out of those boxes. We are taking the time here to go through each one, purge what we don't need, and organize what we do need. Also, I think I have finally escaped the season of life when I collected all of the free junk I could come by, just because it was free. Now I'm only keeping it if I will really use it. Otherwise it goes in the Goodwill pile. Even if it was a really great bargain to start with.

We are discovering some things in the unpacking process:

Best discovery (Josh): the hand-carved 82nd Airborne plaque he had made in Haiti ("This is one of the coolest things I own!"). He had totally forgotten about it until he found it in a pile tonight.

Most time-capsule-ish discovery (Lindy): a letter I wrote to Lori Ferguson, who was at Cedarville University, about a month into my freshman year at Taylor. I had written it, stuck it in an envelope, and sealed it, but never mailed it. It has been sitting in a pile of old stationery for 15 years.

Saddest discovery (Lindy): Somehow the box containing my Little House on the Prairie books got wet, and they are ruined. I read those books so many times I can't count, and I was very much looking forward to reading them aloud and passing them on to our kids. The books can definitely be bought again, but I am sad to have lost that set.

Also, a kind of strange realization I have made: For the first eighteen years of my life, I was very stationary. I lived in the house that my great grandfather had built—the same house where my dad had lived since he was seven. On the same block where my whole family had lived for four (five?) generations. Then, when I left for college, I suddenly became very transient. Depending on how you count, I moved somewhere between 14 and 18 times in 15 years. This current move has (hopefully) ushered in a new season, and I am realizing that I might actually stay here for a good long time. It's a different kind of feeling, and I like it.

Four

2010-08-02T21:46:00.002-06:00

We have known it was coming for some time now. Rumblings of budget shortfalls and reductions in force have been with us for a few months. Friday was the day that the rumors and guesses became concrete.

Our FLI staff of 14 was cut by four. Ouch.

We met at 9:45 a.m. to hear the news as a staff (this was after the leadership met individually with each of those who were directly impacted). Our VP was wise enough to tell us we could all go home after that meeting. Not a lot of work was going to get done after that anyhow.

Today we had an all-staff meeting (as in all of FOF, not just the Institute) to hear the big picture. A 13 percent reduction in force. One hundred ten people lost their jobs and 50 more open positions were cut. We move forward as a 750-employee organization.

This is the fifth round of layoffs I've lived through at Focus. Every one has felt like the loss of family members. I suppose I should take the fact that I'm still there after eleven years as a indication that God has a reason for me being there.

I do need to share a very mature perspective offered by my co-worker Karla (who was one of the four) and her husband Gary, who was hanging around at the end of business today. "We've been through harder times than this, " Gary says. "This is nothing compared to a crop failure."

True. Nothing compared to a crop failure.

Gary goes on to say that there was one summer back in the seventies when there were no crops at all. "All that we and our neighbors raised that year was kids."

Well, I guess you've got something to show for that, huh?

Yes we do. Yes we do.

One Year Portraits and Update

2010-07-28T20:16:00.014-06:00

Here are the one year photos. I'm kind of glad that this is the end of the portraits every month project (I think I will do every six months from now on), because between months 11 and 12, she got very mobile, so it was super hard to get good pics. Here are a few, though:

It has been a year, and I still can't get enough of these big blue eyes. Probably never will.

I loooooove the birthday dress. So girly!

(Here, she is thinking about base jumping off the corner of the bed.)

She is quite musical. Here she is playing with a shaker.

She is into making faces all the time now.

Sometimes I will catch her making faces at herself in the mirror.

Most of the pictures looked like this,

because she was trying to grab the camera.

Or like this, because I wouldn't let her grab the camera.

Lorien started crawling just a day or two after she hit eleven months. She hasn't stopped since. At her one-year checkup Dr. Kautz noted that her growth has slowed down because she is burning so many calories crawling. He recommends supplementing her food with butter to make up the difference. :)

She cut her first top tooth (third tooth total) just a few days before she turned one. She is still very verbal. New words this month are bear, Boo (Grammy and Grandpa's dog), and amen. She loves to sing (favorite song to sing with Mommy is Do-Re-Mi, emphasis on the mi, mi, mi) and clap her hands to any music. She is somewhat afraid of thunder.

The cutest development is that she loves "cleaning." She will pull the dish towel off the front of the stove and wipe the floor with it. She can be entertained by this for 10-15 minutes at a time. She pulls up to her knees frequently, and cruises a bit, but doesn't pull up to her feet, stand alone, or walk yet. She is beginning to make the switch from nursing to whole milk.

She is a total joy and makes us laugh all the time!

Good Soil

Mascara Mess

I dare you to not smile

I have never thought of *that*

This doesn't happen very often

We've seen a lot of this lately

I Believe Wrong Things

Warning...

Word Now Breaking Heaven's Silence

A small thing that's a big deal

Grandma Beam

Josiah - Two Months

A good little mama

Trick Or Treat!

Faces

Josiah - One Month

Lorien and Josiah

First Snow

Grandma and Grandpa Visit

Newborn Portraits

Knocked flat

Daddy's Traveling

More Josiah Photos

Josiah Lee

Welcome...

Ouch!

Belly Pics

The End is in Sight

Another One Bites the Dust

Of treadmills and stethoscopes

Cultivating Diverse Musical Tastes

Lorien Turns 2

Favorites

Visit from the Randalls

3D

Big Girl Bed

The Sunglasses are Killin' Me

Love This Place

Remembering Grandma

Photo Shoots

O-H-I-O

Her Father's Daughter

Famous Last Words

Woman Juice and Fence Bumps

Lorien's Lexicon

Mother's Day

A Very Cool Graduation

18 Week Ultrasound

He Is Risen!

Cousins

Transformational Leadership

A Jack Sparrow Kind of Day

Announcement Time

Fun with Friends

Lorien's Lexicon

Lazy Saturday Morning

The Gark

Birthday Week

A Visit From Gamaw and Capaw

Family Photo

Star Wars, Anyone?

The Concept of Two

Valentine's Cupcakes

She Started This

Getaway

Holy, Holy Holy

The For-Real Prosperity Gospel

Xander

Traditions

More Words, According to Lorien

Seven Years

Climbing Sand Dunes

Wow Wows...

Christmas Cookies

Meeting Baby Mac

Small groupies and Graduation

Zero to Fifty Nine

"Before" Part Two: Downstairs

"Before" Part Two: Upstairs

Happy Thanksgiving...

I have never thought of that